I Keep Fallen, But Never Falling Six Feet Deep...

Here I am again, nothing new with that--I think I blog too much. Anyways, a big whatever to life. Life's weird, whatever. I know I let people down whatever I don't mean to. I can't help but feel bad and responsible, whatever. I know things are uncontrollable, whatever. I know I'm boring and a waste of time sometimes? whatever...

Today I basically worked on my portfolio. Wasn't too productive, meh. My mom saw my lack of productivity and swampped-ness, so she said I can go late to church. It was the Easter Vigil tonight. Wowsers, it was a 3-and-a-half hour mass...

But anyways, this is my turning point, I feel it. I feel this drive and I wanna ride on it as long as I can. Things are different from now on. I say this a million times. I make a million promises to myself. But this time I feel a tad more driven. No more bullsh!t and lagging. I'm gonna do things with a purpose...

Maybe it was the homily that hit me. It basically said, if you wanna get something done, it won't get done unless you move. Just do it! Just get up, go forward and do it. And I thought to myself, it makes sense, there's seriously no other way. Simple. The only way I do get things done is when I force myself to just do it when I'm backed into a corner...

I have to teach myself to just do it up without stakes. Just because I don't feel pressure or urgency doesn't mean I can't be motivated. I just have to find a way to just get up and go. I just have to push myself. Challenge myself. That's what I lack lately in life. I'm frggn slack at EVERYTHING. I let it all come to me and I don't lift a finger, kinda thing. I have to be more active--I have to move...

I don't wanna be stagnant. I WANNA BE DRIVEN. I wanna feel like I'm always doing things for a purpose--I used to be like that. I never used to be this 'go-with-the-flow'. I always had a decent head and a solid drive. Ever since this university thing, it's thrown my game off a bit =s...

Bottom line, I'm gonna go get it.

Nas - "The World Is Yours"


"Who's world is this?
It's mine, it's mine, it's mine..."(c)nas

I'm out like old habits...